My experience of living with two guys (for a week)

For those that kept track via. the countdown timer I keep on my site, as well as my Twitter feed, Dale was in town for the majority of last week (6 days and 5 nights). This was the first time that he, Corey, and I were together for an extended period of time where live action role playing games were not the reason behind us being within close proximity of each other. My goal for the prolonged stay (beyond having lots of yummy quality time with my boyfriend) was to see how well we could get along if we were living under the same roof.  Granted, we didn't have to deal with the extra details like living expenses, but enough stress points came up that the experiment still felt real.  
Sleeping arrangements
One dilemma that comes up when multiple partners are co-housing is "who sleeps with whom, when?"  Due to comfort levels, us only having a queen-sized bed, and both guys radiating heat when they sleep, they slept in different beds. This then led to the issue of who would I curl up with each night.    While having a set schedule can help on the fairness factor, we scrapped that idea because it lacked spontaneity and being able to adjust based on the needs of everyone involved.  My goal was to make sure that both guys felt loved and that their needs were being provided for.  Since cuddling with me was important to each of them, I needed to find out how much cuddle time they needed, and communicate and negotiate if it wasn't possible. Initially, I was under the impression that, due to Corey's needs for reassurance, I would only be able to cuddle with Dale for one of those nights. Instead, due to the level of comfort within our dynamic (and Corey needing to get up early on Saturday), I got to cuddle with Dale for 2 evenings. That was a pretty awesome surprise.  Too bad that the day bed in the guest room Dale's room was too small.  :p  We have a hide-a-bed couch in the room that we'll try to use next time.  
The other type of sleeping
First, to make it clear: a three-some did not occur :-p It turns out that I was more self-conscious and paranoid about the interpersonal dynamics involving sex than the guys were.  Prior to the visit, I was worried that the guys would feel jealous if I was having sex with the other and they were aware of it going on (or if I ended up too tired to have fun with both of them). If there was any emotional discomfort or envy, they did a good job of either overcoming (or hiding) it.  For example, there were times when Corey intentionally left Dale and me alone so that we could have some time together.  There were other times when the guys would joke about me to each other, or do a team effort to hit on me.   I don't know whether to be amused or scared.  As for me becoming worn out from the increased sexual activity (entertaining two guys with voracious sexual appetites), I did fairly well on the stamina level.  However, girly biology worked against me.   
Social time
There were a couple of times where all 3 of us hung out in the main room and had a casual conversation. We went out to eat a couple of times, and saw Fast and Furious together. I'm guessing that if we had the computer equipment to accomplish it, we might have played WoW together (or the guys would've berated me for not logging in during the past month since they keep sending supplies to my characters... I'm a bad gamer) I was able to get time away from the guys by going grocery shopping.  We also had an instance where Dale and I were social without Corey, though that happened because Corey needed to leave early anyways.  We didn't have any instances where Corey and I went somewhere without Dale.  While everything worked out well on the social front, I get the feeling that if my relationship with Dale became long-term, and he moved in with us, the challenge of meeting everyone's needs involving social inclusion is going to become more obvious.  
The end result
I'm very happy that the week ended up being /drama and conflict free, even with the potential of things blowing up due to miscommunication or needs not being met. I think that the amount of communication that went on during the week helped prevent issues from blowing up. Since last weekend, I've had conversations with both Corey and Dale about the long-term potential of our relationship dynamic.  The topics have ranged from the practicalities of such a living arrangement, to future family issues (like childbearing and parenting).  I'm starting to think that this may actually work :)

Calgary Condominiums (not verified) wrote:

Mon, 04/27/2009 - 18:25 Comment #: 1

This is exactly the sort of thing I was asked about the other day. I didn't quite know how much detail to get into...

How often do you post? I might just refer them here rather than trying to explain it myself and mess it up.

metropoly (not verified) wrote:

Mon, 04/27/2009 - 18:33 Comment #: 2

I try to post here at least once a week. Unfortunately, this past month has been super busy between home, work, and activism/outreach stuff.