Posts Tagged ‘communication’

Posted on August 29, 2009

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This entry is part 6 of 6 in the series The defunct'ness of the polyamory movement

Series Disclaimer: This series is the result of conversations that I’ve had with fellow poly leaders, mixed with my own thoughts, experiences, and observations. While it seems that a lot of us have similar experiences and thoughts, these writings do not represent the beliefs of poly leaders as a whole.  These writings are not meant to target specific individuals or organizations, but instead show how “the system” is defunct and needs a lot of TLC and fixing.

"One Different 2" by Sanja Gjenero @

Sanja Gjenero @

From what I’ve seen on a local level and learned through discussions with my peers, people that identify as polyamorous fall into one of two categories:

  • Those that are motivated to actively contribute to “poly”, whether it’s on a local or national level
  • Those that aren’t

Once we accept this, everything else fits into place.


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Posted on August 4, 2009

I wanted to take a moment to give everyone a heads up on the coolness that happened during the “Get Stuff Done” Conference that I held online last weekend.

Sadly, I wasn’t able to do lessons on both days as I originally planned.  I was called away on business and had to fly out on Sunday afternoon, leaving only Saturday for classes.  Here’s the lessons that I presented:

Leadership 101 (How to Fake Being A Well-Rounded Person):  The attendees learned the importance of self-knowledge, especially when it comes to their own strengths and talents. I walked through a couple of ways that the attendees could assess their personal strengths and identify the strengths of others. The idea of “faking” being a well rounded individual is to understand where you are strong, find those areas where you are not strong, and build a core team of people who are strong where you are weak.  Thus, by working together, everyone on the team can “fake” being well-rounded :)

Team Building 101 (”Who Is Supposed To Be The @&^!% Healer???”):  The attendees continued to learn the importance understanding one’s own strengths and the strengths of their peers.  In addition, they also learned different exercises that could be used to change a group of people that share the same goal to a cohesive and effective team.

Project Planning 101  (”How To Turn  Your Idea For A Cool Party… Into A Freaking Cool Party!”):  The attendees learned about how to effectively develop a goal and put together a plan on how they plan to bring said goal to fruition. Most of the exercises focused on the actual goal development and analyzing themselves and the environment around them to see how each would impact what they want to accomplish.

After the third session, the four of us (me + the 3 attendees), had a post-event chat session where we talked about the pluses and minuses of being leaders and coordinators within our respective communities. 

I don’t know if it’s a personality or generational thing (we ranged from early 20’s to 35 – so a mix of the Gen X & Y demographics), but there was a LOT of frustration when it came to being a young poly leader.  The interesting thing is that the stress wasn’t coming from the outside (media and other non-poly sources), but rather from the haphazard attempts of good-intentioned colleagues, as well as the complacency of the majority of the polyfolks within our respective communities.  

The question that we are now trying to answer is how to engage the young, hopefuly poly’s that want to become an active part of the national community without having them fall through the cracks of bureaucracy and busyness. 

The fruits of our discussions will probably be posted here. Let’s just say that we’re possibly putting together a leadership/mentorship program :)

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Posted on May 24, 2009

Recently, Miss Polyamory interviewed Samatha Fraser, the author of the blog (and hopefully upcoming book): Not Your Mother’s Playground. You can listen to the interview podcast here.

Not Your Mother’s Playground is Samantha’s diary about open relationships. She writes about her personal experiences, both positive and challenging, and also shares her realizations about herself and open relating.

This site is an online resource that targets a modern audience while still being accepting and inclusive of others views and lifestyle choices:

This blog, and it’s accompanying book are not intended to be a bash on anyone who might identify a little more with a non-traditional view of the world. Certainly if you are in, or considering, an open relationship or customized fidelity, chances are your views are just a tad non-traditional to start with. This blog is for those of us who just might not list renaissance fares, clothing optional triad relationships, and LARPing as our favorite activities when filling in our Facebook profiles. This isn’t to say that this book is meant for a limited audience, more specifically it’s meant for a larger percentage of society than many other books on the same subject.

- Not Your Mother’s Playground: Introduction


Keeping in-line with what I’ve written over the past few weeks, here’s the links to NYMP’s own open relationship series: “What Can Make Open Relationships Great?”


Subscribe to her blog feed. Follow her on Twitter. Join her site’s discussion forum.

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Posted on May 24, 2009
This entry is part 8 of 8 in the series Benefits of an open relationship

For the last chapter in this series, I am going to move beyond the basic concept of an “open relationship” to that of a family of choice that shares expenses and responsibilites.  The members of your family can choose to live within the same household, or they can live in different physical locations (depending on space issues).

In a traditional family arrangement, the couple has a limited amount of resources available to take care of household obligations. One or both members need to earn an income in order to maintain their lifestyle.  The need for income and financial stability may cause either partner to work in a job that may not be the best fit for them. In addition, the birth of children not only bring joy but also additional needs upon the household, most significantly that of constant supervision and care.


Posted on February 5, 2009
This entry is part 6 of 9 in the series 7 Questions to Ask Yourself If You Are Considering Polyamory
By Agata Urbaniak on stock.XCHNG

By Agata Urbaniak on stock.XCHNG

Through miscommunication, boundaries accidentally being broken, or hurt feelings, there is the likelihood of tempers rising and conflict occurring.  In a polyamorous lifestyle, these issues cannot easily be ignored. You need to understand how you cope with conflict and stress, and how to resolve said conflict with as minimal /drama as possible.

People have different ways that they cope with stress and conflict. We will take a few moments today to explore these in more detail.


My Current Tweet-Status:

  • @Jenny_Block - My hubby & I turned watching the Nightline debate into our date night. Lots of love and support! in reply to Jenny_Block 4 hrs ago
  • Check out - @Jenny_Block, author of Open, is on Nightline Face Off talking about open marriage (web version of show) 5 hrs ago
  • My latest batch of homemade Greek yogurt had an odd taste/texture. Have to wait until Saturday to make another batch :( 6 hrs ago
  • Tomatoes: The Massacre, Part 3 is taking place in my kitchen. Yes, another batch of tomato sauce (thanks to mum-in-law's garden) 6 hrs ago
  • More updates...

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