communication

When faced with a situation that puts us on the defensive, we sometimes jump to the wrong conclusion.  Sometimes a "jealous" response is prompted by more than the other person's insecurities.  The reaction could be based in injury from a breach of trust.

 

Jealousy sucks, period.  While the process of acknowledging and overcoming the root of one's jealousy can aid in personal growth, the in the moment experiences can be painful for all involved.  We tend to focus on the pain that the jealous person is feeling, and forget that there are (at least) two others that are coping with the situation:

  • The partner of the jealous person
  • The focus of the jealousy - who could either be a (close) friend or non-monogamous partner/lover.

A person that is feeling jealousy has a lot of resources available. In addition to being able to rely on social support, there are books and websites that provide advice ranging from strictly monogamous to open-relationship points of view.  There are significantly less resources available to help the partner of the person feeling jealousy cope with the situation. Most of the professional advice and literature is monogamy-centric and focuses on removing the "trigger" rather than helping the partner overcome their inner demons. This translates to cutting ties with the "outside" friend or partner for the sake of the relationship. The social pressure to break off social ties increases if there's a suspicion of infidelity.

Where does that leave the close friends and companions?  For those that are in nonmonogamous relationships, there's an underwhelming amount of information about coping as a secondary (the label itself makes me cringe).  I'm not aware of any resources for someone who has a friend in a monogamous relationship where that friend's partner is experiencing jealousy.

I doubt that I'm the only one that has experienced this, so I'm writing my own guide. :p

 

Photo Art: Dark Fetish by Lady Pain (Marta Manso)

The original inspiration for this post was a topic brought up on the OWBN Hour of Power, a podcast that is created by some of the more vocal members of One World By Night. OWBN is an international live action role playing (LARP) organization. 

(At ~22:00 into the podcast)
Who here has at least seen or participated in one of the most awkward [despicable!] elements of LARPing in general – and that is the in-character sex scene?

 

In the weeks that followed, my friends and I discussed this topic of "in-character sex scenes" and the various related issues, specifically -

  • How do LARPing and sex mix? 
  • Is it possible for eroticism to be a part of a “mature audiences only” gaming experience in a setting that denies most types of physical gratification?
  • Why would gamers bend (or break, or deny) element of a fictional world in order to get it on with another person’s character?
  • Relationship boundaries for one's "fantasy life"

You get to enjoy the end result of my mental ponderings :)