Poly 101

Info for those new to poly and the poly curious
[caption id="attachment_180" align="alignright" width="250" caption="By Miguel Saavedra at stock.XCHNG"]By Miguel Saavedra at stock.XCHNG[/caption] Take a look at your average week. How many activities do you currently pack into that time? You probably have sleep, work, and commuting filling up most of your days. Hopefully you spend time to groom yourself and eat properly. You probably have time set aside for activities that you enjoy (hobbies, exercise, blogging), and if you're in a relationship,  you also spend time with your sweetie on a regular basis.  If you have children, they probably take up what little free time you have left, and then some!  With everything filling up your calendar, how can you possibly have time for multiple significant others?  Today we are going to answer that question by looking into a concept called time management.
[caption id="attachment_173" align="alignright" width="250" caption="By Agata Urbaniak on stock.XCHNG"]By Agata Urbaniak on stock.XCHNG[/caption] Through miscommunication, boundaries accidentally being broken, or hurt feelings, there is the likelihood of tempers rising and conflict occurring.  In a polyamorous lifestyle, these issues cannot easily be ignored. You need to understand how you cope with conflict and stress, and how to resolve said conflict with as minimal /drama as possible. People have different ways that they cope with stress and conflict. We will take a few moments today to explore these in more detail.
[caption id="attachment_27" align="alignright" width="250" caption="By sanja gjenero @ stock.XCHNG"]By sanja gjenero @ stock.XCHNG[/caption] "The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished." ~ George Bernard Shaw  com·mu·ni·cate
  •  to convey knowledge of or information about : make known
   
  • to transmit information, thought, or feeling so that it is satisfactorily received or understood
"Communicate, communicate, communicate" is a mantra that you will probably hear over and over again by Sage Polyamorists Everywhere (tm).  The question comes up as to what qualifies as good communication, and why is it so important?  
[caption id="attachment_30" align="alignright" width="250" caption="By Konrad Mostert @ stock.XCHNG"]By Konrad Mostert @ stock.XCHNG[/caption] In yesterday's post, I wrote about the different types of intimacy that can occur in a relationship (friendship, fwb, dating, etc.) While most types of intimacy are tied to an action or thing (intellectual, physical, and sexual), what builds emotional intimacy is a bit harder to pin down.  The reason for this is that it's tied to what a person needs in order to feel loved and cherished, and that varies based upon the individual. Fortunately, we don't have to reinvent the wheel.  An author and relationship counsellor, Gary Chapman, wrote a book on something he called the Five Love Languages, which are five elements that people use to deepen emotional intimacy. Rather than simply go over these 5 love languages, I am going to add a twist - I will show you where my husband (Corey), my boyfriend (Dale), and I rate in each category, along with how I feel on each of these.
[caption id="attachment_128" align="alignright" width="250" caption="Picture by Christian Ferrari at stock.XCHNG"]Picture by Christian Ferrari at stock.XCHNG[/caption] This is the second of seven articles that I am writing about the things that you should consider before pursuing a polyamorous lifestyle. In yesterday's article, I wrote about the importance of loving yourself and building your self esteem. This is especially important when we talk about intimacy.   The most basic component of intimacy is the sharing of yourself.   How will you be willing to share something unless it is something that you already like?  Also, in the process of loving yourself, you gain a sense of self awareness and identity that becomes important in building relationships with other individuals. Without a solid sense of self, you may be prone to allowing your identity to be subsumed by the relationship. Now that I've talked about the importance of loving yourself and knowing who you are, let's take a deeper look at the meaning of intimacy.