Poly Weekly

Signs that you might be poly

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 News

• Our polyamory disaster – tale of swinging, casual sex, non-monogamy, insecurity, lack of communication and lots of drugs – wonder why it didn’t work out
• Introverts Guide to Networking – Written for business, but great for introverts who are into poly and easily overwhelmed in social situations
• Polyamory and the slippery slope – arguing against the slippery slope argument against legalizing gay marriage because it could lead to legalization of poly marriage

8:45 Topic: You might be poly if…

Thanks to all our listeners who responded on Twitter and Facebook to complete this sentence! My favorite responses:

• You have to check three different calendars before you can say yes to a “do you wanna go get a cup of coffee?”
• For the holidays you have an easier time thinking of presents for your boyfriend’s partner than for your boyfriend
• You have run out of colors for your sweethearts on your Google calendar
• You keep a spreadsheet of boundaries
• You and your husband’s boyfriend both remind the waiter not to put parmesan on his spaghetti
• You get genuine pleasure from someone else’s happiness

13:25 Feedback

• J and A ask about the hotwife lifestyle with two questions: did other poly folks find poly through hotwife? And men with a hot wife kink often get off learning intimate details or watching their partner play. From listening to past episodes, we can’t determine if this is uncommon or just rarely discussed in poly circles? (Answer: it’s always discussed whether you want to watch and how much you want to know about sexual activities)
• Olaf asks about pre-poly signals—has anyone noticed poly tendencies in retrospect?

20:10 Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

What you need to know about the intimacy-autonomy scale and how it might be affecting your current relationship

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

• The Poly Weekly Android app has been pulled from the Android marketplace. We’re working to replace it, but in the meantime, it can be purchased from Amazon.
• H Opportunity provides support to those with HSV and the people who love them. Use discount code MINX for $5 phone support or visit Herpes Opportunity, Herpes Life, the free disclosure ebook, the virtual support group, the forum, the blog or the iTunes podcast.

3:55 Interview: Kathy Labriola describes the intimacy-autonomy scale

Kathy Labriola, a poly counselor, nurse and hypnotherapist and author of Love in Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships, shares her insights based on the intimacy-autonomy scale and how mismatches can cause misunderstandings in relationships. Need more autonomy and independence but matched with a partner with a higher need for attention and intimacy? Good advice all around. Find the book at Greenery Press or at the Stockroom (better than Amazon for authors!)

17:30 Happy Poly Moments

• A listener writes in to share a Happy Poly Moment—discovering an old friend is actively poly: “It was so NICE to find someone “real”, someone I have known for years, to whom I had a relation out of the web or a meetup thing, who at least new what polyamory was… for the first time in years, we could talk with other people, face to face, about our opinions and experiences. Priceless.”
• MG tells of running home to his lovely fiancée to tell her his girlfriend just said she loved him: “When I think back three years ago to the beginning of our poly adventure I couldn’t have imagined this. It makes all of the work that my fiancée and I put into working on or communication and jealousy issues (mostly me) worth it.”

20:45 Feedback

• Scott, a listener in Australia, found us through Google+! And gives props to the HSV blues episode: “After contracting HSV from my first serious primary partner, I struggled a bit personally with it, and with what that meant about me and my lifestyle choice, and felt my ex’s condemning voice in the back of my mind. So it was refreshing to hear it put into an appropriate perspective.”
• Gryphon writes in that Poly Weekly has taught him to be unafraid of asking for help and support and suggests the antithesis to NRE—Break Up Brain?

28:15 Thanks

Welcome Robin, Ryan and Nomputers to the Poly Weekly Playmates! And thanks to Jim and Bill for their donations to keep us running!

29:00 Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Today, the news broke that one of Newt Gingrich’s ex-wives is going public with the information that he had once asked her for an open marriage.

I really can’t speak as to the repercussions of this publicity on his political career, such as it is. I suspect that the folks who like Gingrich will continue to like and defend him, and those who don’t (I count myself among those) will use this as fodder to denounce his suitability as a Republican presidential candidate.

What is worth commenting on is Gingrich’s reported approach to open marriage. According to the story in the Washington Post, Marianne Gingrich, Newt’s second wife, reports that after conducting a six-year affair with Callista Bisek, Newt proposed an open marriage in which he would be partners with both Marianne and Callista.

Marianne turned down the offer, and Bisek became Gingrich’s third wife.

This case is high-profile because of Gingrich’s potential presidential candidacy and perhaps also because of his steadfast promotion of family values, which presumably do not include having a long-term affair. Additionally, as the Post points out:

The House speaker who pilloried President Bill Clinton for his affair with Monica Lewinsky was himself having an affair at the time.

So there is a strong element of hypocrisy to the situation as well.

Newt, yer doin’ it WRONG

But even that isn’t what bothers me most here, on this blog devoted to polyamory. What I’d like to tell Gingrich is that open marriage and other forms of non-monogamy are not your back door for when you get caught. Non-monogamy in its many forms takes a tremendous amount of communication and work to ensure the happiness of all parties involved, and it is most decidedly not an escape hatch for a guy caught with his trousers down.

What Gingrich offered his wife Marianne wasn’t an option; it was an ultimatum: share me or get lost. And I can assure you that almost every instance of the “relationship broken; add more people” approach has failed. This was not a conscious decision made with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved; this was a cheater backed into a corner seeking to extract himself from an unhappy marriage.

And in that, he succeeded. It just annoys me that he used a proposal of open marriage as a blunt object to rid himself of his second wife. Just cheat, divorce, remarry your mistress and be done with it. Don’t drag our hardworking model of non-monogamy into it. Some of us actually work at this, and you’re sullying the institution of non-monogamous marriage.

Kathy Labriola, nurse, therapist and author of Love in Abundance, offers poly communication tips

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

• Polyamory on Private Practice
• Poly in the Media and the GMA threesome
• Vicki Larson in the Huffington Post on why men need to cheat

7:30 Interview: Kathy Labriola

Kathy Labriola, a poly counselor, nurse and hypnotherapist and author of Love in Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships (also available at Greenery Press)

• Essential communication skills include things like knowing what you need and communicating it directly (as soon as you know it). Why is this so hard?
• What is metacommunication and why is it important?
• What is at the heart of most poly communication breakdowns?
• Why do we worry so much about jealousy and what is your advice on dealing with it?

36:25 Thanks

Thanks to H Opportunity, Brendan, Maui Kink for their donations and welcome CainO and Lisa to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Hello, guys!

Thanks to those of you who let me know that the PW Android app disappeared from the marketplace. I’ve talked to the guys at LibSyn, and they are working to get it reinstated. In the meantime, you can get the Android app from Amazon here: ht.ly/8vyK7

Thanks and stay tuned–I’ll let you know when the app is back up in the marketplace.

How to deal with a stonewalling and uncommunicative metamour

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

• 1:30 Promo: Sex and Death podcast

2:45 Topic: When metamours attack

Joreth, Puck and Minx address a tough situation: J starts dating a guy who is in a relationship with an older man, a respected tantric guru. Upon meeting J, the guru declares that she and the guy cannot have sex. A bit later, J and the guy have sex. She asks the guy if the guru was OK with it and then assumes it’s OK to have sex with the guy. She attempts to contact the guru but doesn’t hear back.

A bit later, she and the guy mess around in the place the guy and the guru share. The guru comes home and bans all communication between her and the guy. She makes more attempts to get the three of them together, but the guru does not accept her invitation.

Where did communication fail and what can we do to prevent this happening in the future? We recommend:

• Own the communication with both your partner and your metamour. NEVER rely on your partner to communicate with your metamour on your behalf. That’s your job.
• Trust but verify.
• Know your own boundaries and negotiate with all parties involved. You have a right to know what the boundaries are, why they are there and when/if they will change.

22:00 Feedback – Episode 299, Poly Professional Woman

• Gary points out that the poly professional man can have challenges dating the busy professional poly woman!
• Vir suggests taking a high-level view of the work load, distinguishing work-for-pay (including school and homework) and maintaining-the-home. He suggests tallying the hours spent on all aspects and rebalancing the load when the situation shifts. For example, look at:
• Travel time to and from work/school
• Working outside the home (job/classes)
• Paid work at home (professional work/homework)
• Non-paid work maintaining the home (cooking, cleaning, shopping)

28:00 Thanks

Thanks to Samuel for his donation this week!

Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

How to approach someone for a threesome or one-on-one date

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

• Jessica Karels from Modern Poly reminds us about the Modern Poly ezine and the Poly Leadership Network
• There is a sci-fi themed brothel opening near Las Vegas. Yes, really!
• And check out this hash tag on Twitter: #sexactsavailableatthescifibrothel

7:45 Topic: The metamour approach

• Elizabeth asks how to approach the invite for a threesome with a good friend without ruining the friendship. Minx’s advice: treat it the same way you would approaching a mono friend you have romantic feelings for but don’t want to ruin the friendship. Flirt, state your desires, graciously accept a “no.”
• Proff asks if he’s weird for wanting to meet his partner’s OK Cupid date on their first meeting. Minx’s take: How would you feel if you’d been flirting with a girl and, when you went to pick her up, her whole family came out to size you up? A bit off-putting for the poor guy! It’s best to trust your partner to date someone as ethically as she dated you. Keep in touch and meet him after a few dates.
  

17:05 Feedback – Episode 297, Poly for the holidays

• P wrote in to tell how her kid surmised the relationship, asked about it, and they pleasantly confirmed
• Lily from Boston requests more solid advice on dealing with kids for the holidays – who has good advice for her? (None of our cohosts have kids!)
• Chauncey says thanks!

21:25 Thanks

Thanks to Scott, Kelly, Carlita, Scott and new Poly Weekly Playmate Paul!

Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Listeners call in to share why they are poly, what they have learned and tell a poly joke and limerick or two

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

• Reminiscing over how Poly Weekly got started in 2005; Amy Gahran was our first commenter
• What I have learned: no one is ever alone
• Shared pain is lessened and shared joy increased
• Poly isn’t that weird

6:15 Topic: It’s all about you!

• Happy poly moment
• Alan from Poly in the Media
• Amy Shiner, blogger for the Huffington Post: “If I weren’t poly, I would be asexual…”
• Billy from Chicago answers “how many poly does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”

10:10 Topic: What are you thankful for?

• Erica of St. Paul – to have found the woman within
• Reid of Reidaboutsex.com – his partner Allison and cheap dental work in Mexico
• Sarah – friends on her side

12:00 More contributions!

• Emma with a happy poly story
• Grace in VA with excellent advice: “If I want something, I need to work my ass off on me first”
• Rob from Oz telling how poly saved his career
• Dan Sawyer
• Chris Bingham with a poly limerick
• Vicky from London with words of advice
• Paul with what he learned about poly in 2011—it works if everyone is adult and communicates

23:55 Thanks

Thanks to H for his generous, $300 donation!

24:55 Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

How does a poly professional woman focused on her career make time and energy to date at all?

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

• We’re closing in on episode 300. And it’s all YOURS! Call in your poem, limerick, story, joke, Happy Poly Moment, book review, rant; whatever! Call in to 206-202-POLY or attach an mp3 to email to polyweekly@gmail.com. Without YOU, there will be no show!
• The right-wing extremists are at it again. If we allow gay marriage, people will marry their cars.
• And Rick Perry is at it again, making a tremendously unpopular video against gays serving openly against the military somehow correlating to a war on Christmas. No, it doesn’t make sense to anyone else, either. And they kind of forgot to turn off the like/dislike feature, so currently 230K Dislikes compared to under 800 Likes. Score one for social media showing how people REALLY feel about idiot politicians!
• Pepper is organizing a new OpenSF conference June 8-10 in San Francisco, just $40!

9:20 Topic: How does a busy poly professional woman find time to date?

A listener writes in to ask how a full-time woman who puts her career first and still handles the home responsibilities can find dating anything other than exhausting. Also, what to do when your partner has more free time and energy to date, causing dating envy.

1. First, sympathy—I work for a startup and have also made work my priority, so it is very hard to find energy to date after putting all your passion into your work.
2. Second, evaluate your priorities. Do a goal-setting session using Your Best Year Yet to establish your priorities for the next 12 months. If dating isn’t that valuable to you and doesn’t make the list, treat it like any other type of jealousy and act accordingly. If it is, try making 1-hour lunch date “chemistry tests” or make weekly OKCupid online vetting nights (with wine and a girlfriend!) to get started.
3. Third, take immediate action. It sounds like the chore split was created when you had more free time, so redistribute household chores to give you more time and energy for self-care and other essential/fun priorities.
4. Finally, it might be helpful to listen to the episodes on introverts and on jealousy.
5. And bonus: “sleep is the new sex” It’s the ultimate luxury and vice; treat it as a precious resource!

25:00 Thanks

Thanks to Paul for his donation! And welcome Olaf to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

26:00 Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

The care and feeding of your poly drama–and how to avoid it!

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

We’re closing in on episode 300. And it’s all YOURS! Call in your poem, limerick, story, joke, Happy Poly Moment, book review, rant; whatever! Call in to 206-202-POLY or attach an mp3 to email to polyweekly@gmail.com. Without YOU, there will be no show!

4:45 Topic: The care and feeding of drama

Drama doesn’t just happen; it needs insecurity, neurosis, lack of communication and passive-aggressiveness to survive. So how do you avoid drama? Cohost LustyGuy and Minx go over the basics:

• Definition of drama: Adding amplitude to emotional reactions vs specific behaviors
• Ways to avoid drama
• After initial immediate reaction, decide how you are going to behave
• Own your own shit (and communicate it!)
• Communicate in little bits, often, before the situation builds to a confrontation
• Talk about behaviors, not your judgments of them
• Talk about your own actions and feelings, not the other person’s
• Talk about the topic at hand, and only one at a time
• Examples from Lusty and Minx
• Early miscommunication + disconnect re: staying over
• Elle taking finances back from LustyGuy

34:00 Thanks

Thanks to Paul, Marcie and Paul for their donations! And welcome Emma, Vir and Amy to the Poly Weekly Playmate subscription!

35:00 Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Advice on the ins and outs of being poly around friends and relatives during the holidays

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Topic: Poly for the holidays

Sometimes it’s tough to be poly over the holidays. Which relatives are you out to? Can you introduce your lover to your auntie May? How do you schedule family time? Listeners wrote in via Facebook and Twitter to ask the toughest holiday-related poly issues, and cohosts Joreth and Puck help Minx to sort them out:

• How to introduce non-spouses
• How to prevent your poly-aware daughter from letting closeted poly relationships slip in front of the “in-laws”
• Is being closeted OK to certain relatives?
• How do you handle feeling secondary and isolated?
• How do you manage economic disparities?
• How do you deal with missing some and disappointing others?

37:30 Book reviews

Kurt shares book reviews of popular romance stories with contemporary, realistic settings: Jet Lag Blues and Kindle ebook Songbird.

43:00 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Heya, Poly Weekly listeners!

I keep saying that YOU make the podcast–your questions, your requests, your feedback, your ideas, your stories. So as we creep up to episode 300, I’d like to turn the episode content over to you guys.

What do YOU want PW listeners to know? Whether you’ve never called in before or you’re a regular correspondent, this is the time to share. Share what?

• A short story of love, joy, loss, learning or pain
• A joke
• A Happy Poly Moment
• A before/after moment (when you realize in an instant how you’ve grown)
• Words of encouragement
• Words of advice
• Silly/fun greeting
• An original song
• A limerick
• A haiku
• What you want to hear more about in the next 300 episodes

Don’t be shakin’, bacon; it’s easy! Just do one of the following:

• Call 206-202-POLY and leave your <5 minute message
• Record your <5 minute message and email it to polyweekly@gmail.com

Call in alone or call with your partners and metamours! Call from the hot tub, call from the plane, call from the afterglow; this is your chance to share your insights, wisdom, stories and humor with the PW listenership. And let’s face it: you guys RAWK, so it will be AWESOME!

What is the difference between an open relationship and a polyamorous one?

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

• We have new monthly subscriber donation options! Coffee buddies at $1.99/month, Friend with benefits at $4.99/month and Anchor at $9.99/month. Just choose a PW Playmate option to the right of this entry and hit the big yellow Subscribe button. >>>>>>>
• Marvin is our first Anchor subscriber. W00t!
• We’ve created a Poly Weekly Google+ page. Add us to your Circles for poly, geek and kinky updates.
• Thanks to GaggleAmp promoters for reTweeting us last week!
• Enough promotion! Geeks, beware: Cheezburger has launched a geek version of the site, Set Phasers to LOL (think LOLcats but with Star Trek) and more!

8:00 Topic: What is the difference between an open relationship and polyamory?

Thanks to listener Donner (?) for calling this one in. Both open relationships and polyamory are ways of practicing non-mongamy. The main difference is that an “open relationship” tends to assume a couple at the base, whereas “polyamorous” can describe both a lifestyle and a personal philosophy or orientation. I.e., I’m single and poly, but I couldn’t be single and in an open relationship. Additionally, polyamory tends to have “multiple long-term, committed relationships with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved,” while open relationships are more loosely defined.

Also, while we’re at it, let’s define polygamy, polygyny, polyandry and polyfidelity! Franklin Veaux has a well-researched glossary of terms if you are ever in doubt.

17:00 Happy Poly Moment

Mark shares a happy poly moment at the birth of his child.

18:15 Feedback

• Scott comments on changing the negative victim-minded behavior patterns mentioned in episode 293 and suggests theater and other subcultures for the football-loving poly guy
• Kevin says thanks and asks about a Poly Weekly meetup at Burning Man in 2012 (yes if we can!)
• Josh shares a lovely story of patience and communication and how it lead to a wonderful exploration of spanking and polyamory

25:45 Thanks

Thanks to Marvin and Sarah, our first PW Anchor monthly subscribers! We hope we can do you proud! And to Eric for his donation.

26:30 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

The Geeky Kink event and more on how not to be a douche on FetLife

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

• New personal story of poly blog
• Thanks for 48,668 downloads in October!

4:00 Topic: The Geeky Kink event review

Christian from New Jersey reviews the Geeky Kink Event.

• First time event; hiccups at registration, wifi issues, Friday was slow to get up and running
• He was performer with White Elephant Burlesque  and danced to White and Nerdy!
• Seemed open and accepting of kink, steampunk, geek, anime, leather
• There was a bootblack brigade, Jay Wiseman, Lord Percival, Murphy Blue on shibari and connections
• Other classes on DIY, LAN parties and clothing-optional Rock Band
• Also had aftercare room “room of requirement”

12:10 Feedback

• Mike on episode 292 on FetLife gives additional advice:

1.     Focus on people you feel you might have a genuine connection; don’t play the numbers.

2.     Read the profile carefully and bring up a detail in your first communication.

3.     Don’t paper the site with the same email. Don’t play the numbers.

4.     Be confident, literate, appealing and polite.

5.     Demonstrate some depth to your life in your profile.

6.     Be the interesting person you would want to receive a message from.

• Blake changed his FetLife profile based on 292!
• Wes from Philadelphia suggests OKC for the poly football-loving guy; Minx didn’t suggest it originally because they specifically said they’d tried it already and couldn’t find enough all-American girls next door

21:45 Correction

Thanks to David for the correction: It was Charlize Theron, not Nicole Kidman in Head in the Clouds.

22:10 Thanks

Thanks to David! And Hero Francis for the three-digit contribution this week!

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

The HSV blues–herpes myths busted and HSV stigma eliminated

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

• The GaggleAmp experiment
• Great having dinner with Kurt, our book reviewer!

2:40 Topic: The HSV blues

MakeUpandSin, 23, wrote in to ask for advice when she discovered she had herpes after she and her boyfriend brought a new girl into their relationship. Feeling unsexy, she blames herself and insists possible exposure is all her fault. Host Joreth asks why is it stigmatized more than a cold; the blame and guilt are disproportionate to the actual disease and mode of transmission.

• Herpes is likely not due to promiscuity, has nothing to do with sexual past. Keep in mind that most children get it from their parents touching them, so get away from the blame game. Take positive steps: educate yourself on the medical details on the strain, placement, medications; arm yourself with information rather than guilt; gather questions and talk to your doctor.
• When bringing up the issue with partners, Puck suggests going in confident and informed without a sense of shame or guilt; many people don’t even realize they have it because it’s a non-event. Joreth compares to some who get a cold and it’s nothing while others get totally wiped out. And keep in mind it’s also possible to be HSV positive and have partners who aren’t and keep that status; current tests aren’t effective and some who are known positives can sometimes test negative depending on the test.
• HSV1 versus HSV2 and why the distinction doesn’t matter; location-based diagnosis; skanky STI films and the dangers of doing medical research online
• Final advice – remember this is just a harmless virus and not a punishment for bad behavior; it’s just part of being alive, like getting a cold every year.

21:30 Feedback

• Sean asked about episode 291 Yes Means Yes and why some people don’t use safewords. The short answer is (a) they are just arrogant pricks or (b) they prefer clear and specific communication (my right foot is asleep) to a black and white safeword.
• 26:08 Pablo writes in to share the beauty of three.

28:45 Thanks

Thanks to Nathaniel, Emily, Blake and three-digit hero Iske for contributions this week that will go toward MomentumCon travel!

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Dealing with difficult people–it’s not them; is IS you!

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

• Facebook’s relationship status woes. You can list yourself as being “in an open relationship,” but you can still list only one significant other. To be added as a partner to someone already listed as married, you have to go under Family and choose the last option, Partner, and it will appear at the very bottom of the relationships list in the left sidebar.
• More thoughts for the vanilla, football-loving crowd after the weekend’s bacon party.

6:30 Topic: It’s not them; it IS you

Thoughts on an article in the Harvard Business Review on the secret to dealing with difficult people and what you can do about it. Understand that it’s not them; it IS you—and you can change the lens through which you see the situation.

• The lens of realistic optimism (trying to be objective)
• The reverse lens (putting yourself in the other person’s shoes)
• The long lens (the “this will build character” argument)
  

23:10 Feedback

Peter wrote in saying PW helped change his life. We LOVE hearing this!

25:30 Notice—Volunteers to help promote the show with GaggleAmp

I’m trying out GaggleAmp to see if any fans would be willing to receive weekly notices from PW to help promote the show. Look for invites on Facebook and Twitter and, if you so choose, repost the messages about the show on Twitter or Facebook when they arrive. Thanks if you participate and no worries if you don’t!

27:30 Thanks

Shoutout to super-generous listener CodeJockey and hero donor Peter for their contributions this week!

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

How not to be a giant douche on FetLife

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 How not to be a douche on FetLife

Best practices for getting FetLife booty and not being pegged as a douchebag:

1. Tell us who you are.
• a. Complete your profile before sending messages to anyone else.
• b. Have a profile picture that looks like you (not your cock, girlfriend, slave or favorite cartoon character, YOU.)
• c. Include photos that are primarily of you or your work. This does not include photos of the last 20 girls that sucked your cock. It does include toys you made, pretty rope work and artistic shots of scenes that convey a strong emotion and your own personality.
• d. List your fetishes.
2. Pay attention. Read a person’s profile before you message him/her. If the person is smart enough to specify what he/she does and doesn’t like in terms of approach, offers and play, read and respect that. Modify your opening message accordingly.
3. Be civil. Being confrontational and aggressive or writing in all caps doesn’t make you a hot top, and no one is falling for it. No experienced bottom will associate aggression from a stranger as hot, safe, sane or sexy.
4. Participate. FetLife is a community. Join groups that you find interesting and participate in discussions (see #3). Show that you’re not just kinky online or in private but an active member of the local scene with other people that know and trust you.

16:15 Movie review: Head in the Clouds

Joreth reviews Head in the Clouds as a poly-friendly movie.

20:30 Feedback

• Grace asked how to handle mundane things like chores and finances.
• Blake wrote on episode 288 on geeks and kink in to make a correlation between a creative, open mind and sexual late-bloomers, “I think being kinky and geeky totally makes you more intelligent than the average person.”
• Angel responded to Matt’s rant against marriage in episode 288 to clarify a personal take on marriage: “To us a wedding is a chance to celebrate your relationship publicly with other people.”

28:00 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Going a step further for negotiating consent: yes means yes

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

• The Geeky Kink Event is November 4-6 in New Jersey, including D&D gaming and TARDIS bondage boxes in the play space!

2:20 Yes means yes

A look at a new campaign that takes “no means no” to a more proactive level: yes means yes. Cohosts:

Franklin Veaux

Joreth

Puck

Active Consent
Yes means yes blog
The contemps.com on yes means yes

Slutwalk London on yes means yes
CafePress

25:10

“Dinner Party” erotica minigasms. Like it and want more? Support the Minigasm project here!

30:45 Feedback

• 30 year old male asks how to get past the self-doubt and criticism when exploring polyamory for the first time
• Amanda asks how poly family’s kids can be taken away
• Dave, a monogamous listener, says thanks!

42:00 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Where does a football-watching, beer-drinking, lawn-mowing guy meet the poly girl next door?

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visithttp://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

• Geek Girl Con was a blast! Review of my favorite panels as well as the Everything you wanted to know about kink but was afraid to ask panel with Allena Gabosch of the Center for Sex Positive Culture Saturday evening
• The Geeky Kink Event is November 4-6 in New Jersey, including D&D gaming and TARDIS bondage boxes in the play space!
• The first Charlotte Poly Meet and Greet is October 16th at 2:00 PM and every other Sunday thereafter at Amelie’s Bakery, 2424 N Davidson St. It’s family-friendly and public, so come out to meet other polys! Email montague.blue@gmail.com for more information.

13:10 Where are the all-American poly girls next door?

LustyGuy makes his debut appearance on the show to answer the question, where does a football-watching, lawn-mowing, beer-drinking, girl-next-door loving American guy go to meet the poly girl next door?

Advice includes doing what you love and meeting others who love the same things: hang out with the local football crowd, join lawn-mowing groups/races and be open to coming out to your neighbors. Also, remember that just because one is poly, the rules of dating don’t change. Go out with your best self and an open mind rather than preconceived ideas about who you will click with.

34:40 Feedback

Nadine likes Anita Wagner’s advice for poly newbies.

35:50 Thanks to our supporters!

Thanks to N for the donation!

47:20 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”