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My Videos on Poly/Mono Relationships and Resolving Jealousy on KinkAcademy.com

Practical Polyamory - Fri, 07/23/2010 - 14:25
Earlier this year I had the pleasure and privilege of making educational videos based on two of the workshops I give for the webside KinkAcademy.com which is the brainchild of the lovely Princess Kali.  As of today all three segments of the poly/mono relationships program are now available for viewing, as well as the first segment of the jealousy program.  You can browse them from a link on my faculty page.  It costs about $10 per month to join the website and get access, but don't be shy about visiting, there's some great free content, too.  Still, considering how much even better information that joining up gives you access to, it's a real bargain. 
There are other teachers who speak about non-monogamous relationships as well, like Sarah Sloane, Dan and Dawn Williams, and M. Makael Newby.  And, of course, there is a huge, amazing amount of content from some of the best educators in kinky practices anywhere.

Review: Shine, a burlesque musical

Poly Weekly - Tue, 07/13/2010 - 13:29

This will eventually go into the Poly Weekly feed, but I couldn’t wait! Faust and I giggle and drool our review of Shine, a Burlesque Musical:

CLICK HERE FOR AUDIO REVIEW: Shine review

Want to help support the Wet Spots and this fabulous troupe of burlesque dancers in their shot at Broadway? Don’t see Shine tonight. Or tomorrow. Come on THURSDAY, JULY 15 and fill the house at the Theater Off Jackson so the producers of the world will see just how fabulous this show is and just how important the message of supporting ALL types of sexy is. Get your tickets here and COME SHAKE A TASSLE!

A recent okCupid email

Not Your Mother's Playground - Sat, 07/10/2010 - 02:39


This made me laugh and perhaps if I wasn’t 51% enemy with this fella I’d give him a chance.

I find you somewhat attractive but not overbearingly. Previous experience and current state of affairs indicate that you will feel the same way about me. But still, ritual requires that we continue with a number of platonic activities before we have sex. I would not mind proceeding with such activities, but in point of actual fact, all I really want to do is have intercourse with you as soon as possible.

Poly Weekly 244: Media Whoring at Sex 2.0

Poly Weekly - Thu, 07/08/2010 - 19:47

Media Whoring panel from Sex 2.0

Download the mp3 directly

Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements

  • Three Wise Women event is Dossie Easton, Deborah Anapol and Serena Anderlini-d’Onofrio on July 3, 11:00 a.m.-7:00 p.m. in San Rafael, CA
  • PolyCamp 2010 is August 26-29 Millersylvania state park with classes for people new to poly and discussion groups for those of us who have been around awhile, artistic workshops/classes, spiritual workshops, tribal interests (drumming and belly dancing), music and dancing, and more!
  • Poly Family Weekend is Sept. 17-19 at the Atlanta Airport Crowne Plaza with guests Jessica Karels, Simon Deacon and yours truly!
  • Shine, a Burlesque Musical is in Seattle, July 8-18 at the Theater off Jackson. Not only is this a sex-positive musical, it is a poly-positive musical. From some of the promo materials: “Count on the Wet Spots to twist the old love triangle story arc into some beautiful new poly-friendly configurations. Sort of like a macrame wall hanging. Made of sex!” Follow them on Twitter and join the Facebook page.

Panel: Media Whoring at Sex 2.0
The Media Whoring panel from Sex 2.0 last month in Seattle. In this panel, Cunning Minx, Danielle Sipple, Jasen Bartlett, maymay, Reid Mihalko and Veronica Monet discuss media strategies. Topics ranged from TV, radio, and print, to social networking and online media, to Twitter, to YouTube, to monitoring your presence online, to anything else that pops up! It was a lively discussion with this wide variety of media professionals.

View the panel video here.

Thank you!
Thanks to Slydder and Brendan for the donations this week!

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Media Whoring at Sex 2.0

Poly Weekly - Thu, 07/08/2010 - 19:26

The Media Whoring panel from Sex 2.0 last month in Seattle. In this panel, Cunning Minx, Danielle Sipple, Jasen Bartlett, maymay, Reid Mihalko and Veronica Monet will discuss media strategies. Topics ranged from TV, radio, and print, to social networking and online media, to Twitter, to YouTube, to monitoring your presence online, to anything else that pops up! It was a lively discussion with this wide variety of sexy, smart media professionals.

Sex 2.0 – Media Whoring – Tips from the Pros from Castle Megastore on Vimeo.

Do YOU want to move the couch?

Not Your Mother's Playground - Wed, 07/07/2010 - 22:02


Steph just looked at me and asked “Do you think we should move the couch over? It’s covering up the vent.”

I replied: “Nah, I think it’s ok?”

He replied, in a snarky, condescending voice: “Well that’s the only vent on this floor so keeping it covered doesn’t make any sense. Right?”

To which I then replied … suddenly being hit over the head with a realization bat:

“Listen. You obviously think it makes more sense to move the couch a few inches off the vent, so why don’t you just go ahead and do that? *I* would do that, and I wouldn’t ask you. It’s not fair that you ask me, having already made up your mind and then when I don’t answer like you want, you talk to me like I’m a big idiot. If you want to do something, do it! Not everything needs to flow through me. That is not cool!”

He looked at me, and without blinking …

“You’re right. That’s totally not fair.”

And suddenly a huge issue in our relationship has been recognized by both of us. The onus is always on me to make a decision, big or small and that’s super annoying. I make enough decisions all the time and he doesn’t have to agree with mine, so I shouldn’t have to always agree with his, but who knows … maybe I will if he gives me a chance.

And y’know what … moving the couch over is actually a good idea. I just needed 30 seconds to think about it.

Cheating: It's Not the Sex, It's the Lying - Jenny Block on FOXNews.com

Practical Polyamory - Tue, 07/06/2010 - 14:32
The last two years for Jenny Block must have surely been an exhiliarating ride. Jenny is the author of Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage, published summer 2008, her courageous memoir of being a mainstream wife, mom and writer who, with the full knowledge and cooperation of her husband and with his and their daughter's best interests at heart, opened her marriage. Ultimately she added a long-term relationship with her girlfriend who is considered a part of their family.

Since that time Jenny has been busy.  She's made the rounds doing readings from her book and being interviewed on the topic of open relationships and polyamory. She won a Lambda Literary Award in the bisexual category.  She's appeared on national TV talk shows (for example, Fox's Mornings with Mike and Juliet) and TV news magazines (ABC's 20/20, defending responsible non-monogamy in a seventh Commandment debate on adultery with evangelical Christian ministers in the presence of a very large evangelical Christian audience), syndicated radio programs, in print newspapers and in online venues. Along the way she's blogged on sex and relationships for Huffington Post and - what a pleasant surprise - now writes FoxNews.com's weekly sexual health column, Fox on Sex. Her latest column is Cheating: It's Not the Sex, It's the Lying, and it is fantastic. Jenny offers excellent advice on why, whether monogamous or otherwise, it's necessary to communicate clearly with our partner(s) and come to an understanding as to what specific behaviors with others are permitted and which ones are to be off limits.

Those who attend my workshops know how often I emphasize the importance of trust as key to building healthy, happy, functional polyamorous relationships, and as Jenny points out, this is important in ALL intimate relationships. Our monogamy-focused society creates expectations in us that few really think about, much less discuss with the people they love and are committed to.

Some people may not be phased by their love engaging in a bit of flirtation at a cocktail party, while another may be livid about it - who is to know for sure where the line is that shouldn't be crossed if this isn't thought about and discussed? I'm not talking about angry accusations and blaming, that's not effective communication. But I am saying that discussing it before it happens is going to be a lot less difficult than doing so after it does.  For one thing, even if it's an uncomfortable discussion, the trust you share is intact and more likely to stay intact if boundaries and expectations are clearly acknowledged between you. 

Obviously it's less likely that people in stable polyamorous relationships are going to object to a partner's flirtation with others, but I've known plenty to end up in conflict for having failed to establish a clear understanding of each other's expectations.

For example, conflicts have been known to arise between poly partners due to differing views over what constitutes "sex."   If:

  • Poly partner A agrees to tell poly partner B if they have sex with someone new,
  • Poly partner A's definition of "sex" requires penitration to qualify, while
  • Poly partner B's definition also includes making out and manual stimulation/foreplay,
  • It is easy to predict that it's merely a matter of time before the drama begins.
So whether you are in a monogamous relationship or an open or polyamorous one, talk to your partner(s) and be gently direct about your feelings and point of view. The more you are honest with each other, the better your agreements will hold up and serve your purposes, especially when it really counts, and the more solid the trust you share will be. Jenny rightly says that it's not the sex, it's the lying. But it's also about the omissions. Either way, honesty and transparency will go a long way toward preventing damage to the trust that is vital to keep any relationship sound and happy.

To put it more bluntly, don't be stupid. Never, ever secretly rationalize breaking an agreement and crossing an established boundary as a means to have who you desire while expecting to avoid a potential confrontation with a partner. You are playing with a fire that in the blink of an eye will destroy the trust required for your relationship to be happy. Before you know it you are in deep relationship trouble, a kind of trouble that will require hard work for a long time to repair the damage done. Erase from your memory forever that old saw about it being easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. It's a lie, especially in this case. For the vast majority of people it will not be worth it. Trust me, I've been there.

Your Help Needed!

Not Your Mother's Playground - Mon, 07/05/2010 - 15:46


Hey all,

I’ve been on holiday for a while, but now I’m back in full force, looking for your help. This week I’m working on my publishing proposal. What I want to include is why my book “Not Your Mother’s Playground: A Guide to Open Relationship for Modern Folk” is going to be relevant. Do you want to read it? Do you like the angle of a guide book with personal stories included? (It’s really a more detailed version of this blog, in case you’re wondering.)

If you have anything positive that I can include in my proposal, even if it’s just a “Can’t wait to read it!”, please leave it in the comments on this post.

Thanks so much!
Samantha

Poly in two criminal cases

Poly in the Media - Fri, 06/25/2010 - 19:58

Poly Weekly 243: Time for Poly Camp!

Poly Weekly - Thu, 06/24/2010 - 19:53

Quintus shares tales from the front of poly organizing and the secrets of what Poly Camp is really like

Download the mp3 directly

Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements

  • Three Wise Women event is Dossie Easton, Deborah Anapol and Serena Anderlini-d’Onofrio on July 3, 11:00 a.m.-7:00 p.m. in San Rafael, CA
  • PolyCamp 2010 is August 26-29 Millersylvania state park with classes for people new to poly and discussion groups for those of us who have been around awhile, artistic workshops/classes, spiritual workshops, tribal interests (drumming and belly dancing), music and dancing, and more!
  • Poly Family Weekend is Sept. 17-19 at the Atlanta Airport Crowne Plaza with guests Jessica Karels, Simon Deacon and yours truly!
  • Shine, a Burlesque Musical is in Seattle, July 8-18 at the Theater off Jackson. Not only is this a sex-positive musical, it is a poly-positive musical. From some of the promo materials: “Count on the Wet Spots to twist the old love triangle story arc into some beautiful new poly-friendly configurations. Sort of like a macrame wall hanging. Made of sex!” Follow them on Twitter and join the Facebook page.

Interview: Quintus demystifies Poly Camp
Quintus (who by the way is quite hot) joined us to talk about what Poly Camp will be like in August and also about his own poly family

Feedback

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Poly Weekly 242: Jessica Karels Talks Modern Poly

Poly Weekly - Thu, 06/24/2010 - 19:46

Jessica Karels shares the secret of founding and running Modern Poly

Download the mp3 directly

Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements

  • Three Wise Women event is Dossie Easton, Deborah Anapol and Serena Anderlini-d’Onofrio on July 3, 11:00 a.m.-7:00 p.m. in San Rafael, CA
  • PolyCamp 2010 is August 26-29 Millersylvania state park with classes for people new to poly and discussion groups for those of us who have been around awhile, artistic workshops/classes, spiritual workshops, tribal interests (drumming and belly dancing), music and dancing, and more!
  • Poly Family Weekend is Sept. 17-19 at the Atlanta Airport Crowne Plaza with guests Jessica Karels, Simon Deacon and yours truly!

Interview: Jessica Karels of Modern Poly
Jessica Karels took time out of her busy schedule at Sex 2.0 to chat with us about poly activism, poly leadership and Modern Poly

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email [email protected] or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

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