It's almost 2012. While I've done a lot when it comes to building and updateing polyamory-related websites, I've done next to nothing when it comes to writing here.

Even my attempt to write a series on surviving the receiving-end of jealousy/insecurity fell flat after the first 2-3 weeks...

Whoops!

Part of the reason is that I don't know what to write about that is 100% poly-specific. 

When faced with a situation that puts us on the defensive, we sometimes jump to the wrong conclusion.  Sometimes a "jealous" response is prompted by more than the other person's insecurities.  The reaction could be based in injury from a breach of trust.

Jealousy sucks, period.  While the process of acknowledging and overcoming the root of one's jealousy can aid in personal growth, the in the moment experiences can be painful for all involved.  We tend to focus on the pain that the jealous person is feeling, and forget that there are (at least) two others that are coping with the situation:

• The partner of the jealous person
• The focus of the jealousy - who could either be a (close) friend or non-monogamous partner/lover.

A person that is feeling jealousy has a lot of resources available. In addition to being able to rely on social support, there are books and websites that provide advice ranging from strictly monogamous to open-relationship points of view.  There are significantly less resources available to help the partner of the person feeling jealousy cope with the situation. Most of the professional advice and literature is monogamy-centric and focuses on removing the "trigger" rather than helping the partner overcome their inner demons. This translates to cutting ties with the "outside" friend or partner for the sake of the relationship. The social pressure to break off social ties increases if there's a suspicion of infidelity.

Where does that leave the close friends and companions?  For those that are in nonmonogamous relationships, there's an underwhelming amount of information about coping as a secondary (the label itself makes me cringe).  I'm not aware of any resources for someone who has a friend in a monogamous relationship where that friend's partner is experiencing jealousy.

I doubt that I'm the only one that has experienced this, so I'm writing my own guide. :p

Photo Art: Dark Fetish by Lady Pain (Marta Manso)

The original inspiration for this post was a topic brought up on the OWBN Hour of Power, a podcast that is created by some of the more vocal members of One World By Night. OWBN is an international live action role playing (LARP) organization. 

(At ~22:00 into the podcast)
Who here has at least seen or participated in one of the most awkward [despicable!] elements of LARPing in general – and that is the in-character sex scene?

In the weeks that followed, my friends and I discussed this topic of "in-character sex scenes" and the various related issues, specifically -

• How do LARPing and sex mix? 
• Is it possible for eroticism to be a part of a “mature audiences only” gaming experience in a setting that denies most types of physical gratification?
• Why would gamers bend (or break, or deny) element of a fictional world in order to get it on with another person’s character?
• Relationship boundaries for one's "fantasy life"

You get to enjoy the end result of my mental ponderings :)

Kink Academy Student Badge

Since coming out to myself as a dominant last spring/summer, I spent time reading books and websites about D/s. I also went to my first munch in the local community.  I'm fortunate enough that my various "alt" social circles (LARP/Gamer, sci-fi fandom, BDSM and kink, poly, etc.) intersect, so it's easy for me to find people to talk to if needed. However, there's times that I have questions that I don't want to ask a friend about (yet), or there may be a particular topic my friends aren't familiar with. 

I know I'm not alone in this experience, which is why I want to tell you about a resource: Kink Academy. This is a website that provides on-demand sex education on a variety of topics.  

-  Before I jump into my review, I want to let you know that I'm not being compensated for this. I paid for my own membership cost out of pocket and am doing this review without prompting from the site's creators. In other words, I'm writing this because I really want to get the word out. :)